a time of learning

growth.

as my time here in china comes to an end (8 days to be exact!),

i have been taking the time to reflect upon my experience here. 

i came to china this fall with no expectations, no assumptions. 

i didn't want to compare it to last year, i just wanted to accept 

the differences and embrace the good here.

 i don't know what it is about traveling around the world by yourself that changes you,

 but something in you definitely changes. 

you gain perspective, understanding, and knowledge. 

you come to realize that this world is bigger than you ever imagined. 

you get to break out of your comfort zone and meet completely new people in new places. in my life i grew so accustomed to living in the same town, 

seeing the same people, and only branching out so much. 

coming and living here in china has made me realize how many freakin people there really are in this world! it's insane! especially here in china... 

i have been able to experience a different culture for the second time, 

and i learned just as much this time as i did the last, if not more.

 i wanted to write this post about what i have been able to gain and learn from my experience here in china this fall. 

patience
patience has always been an attribute i have wanted to perfect, but it seems like no matter how hard i try, i will always fall short. although i haven't perfected it yet, i think that i have improved so much since i have been here. being in charge of the teachers, and communicating with our chinese coordinator, i have learned that patience is something that really comes in handy. i definitely had my moments where i let the communication barrier get to me, but not really at the same time. i learned to keep a level head in demanding situations and i learned to work with other people in a calm manner. i learned that being patient with others is a form of understanding. everyone is going through their own "stuff" and it helps when there is someone trying to understand and help you.

love
well, first of all i have to say how much i love china. it is da bomb.
but there is a different aspect of love that i was able to focus on while i was here. it was my love of the gospel, and learning to love myself again. i faced a really tough trial right before i got here and during the beginning of my trip. it took a huge toll on my faith, confidence, and trust in myself. i had never been in a place like that before. ultimately what got me through it all was learning to love again. i learned to love this gospel all over again. i fell in love with the scriptures more than ever before. i am still learning each and every day how to more fully love Jesus Christ. and the most important thing i am still working on, is loving the person i am again. it took going all the way across the world to remember why i am who i am, and why i choose what i choose.

faith
i have heard the word faith countless times in my life. i have always understood the meaning. i don't think ever before in my life have i been tested of the Lord, to see if all my words on the matter could match my actions as much, as i did here in china. i don't think it has to do with the culture, or the place really, probably just the fact of being off on my own with no real church support. it was me and only me that would get me through the trial i was facing. although it was the hardest and darkest point i'd ever reached in my life, i was able to pull myself out of it through faith in Jesus Christ. i can tell any soul at this moment in time that He is real. not because anyone else told me that, or because i think i am supposed to say it. i say it because it's reality. He literally helped pull me out of the dark, and through my faith in Him, he really saved me. i have the strongest conviction of faith now, and it is something that i am so grateful to have made rock solid while here.

becoming a leader
the first time i came to china i came as a volunteer teacher. this time i came as the head teacher, so that meant i was in charge of all the teachers in my group. i have never been the "leadership type" but here i learned how to be one. i tried my very best to always put the teachers needs before my own. their happiness and comfort was always something i wanted to help. i learned that to be a leader it is more than just talking the talk, but to also walk the walk. it takes hard work. it takes effort and concern. i was able to help each teacher become the best teacher possible through effective coaching. but more importantly, i learned to be a leader while also being their friend. yep, i know it sounds cheesy, but it's true! building a friendship with someone first makes everything after that come much easier. there is still SO much i need to learn about leadership, but it was such a good step in the right direction coming here to help these girls.

acceptance
i usually pride myself in being a master of first impressions. i can tell a ton about a person just from the few first moments of meeting them. i can't tell you their middle name, if they like certain sports or whatnot. but i pick up on things really easily that show me who people really are. getting to know my girls here has been such a fun experience. in the beginning it was hard because i would compare them to girls in my group from last year. i realized very quickly that that was a mistake. i learned to accept and love the girls in my group for who they ARE. not who i think they should or could be. i learned to accept their amazing qualities, along with their not so amazing qualities..hehe. i did this in the hope that they too would do the same to me. i have learned to accept all the qualities of a person, but to acknowledge the good ones more than you do the bad.

there should probably be more to write...but it is late and i need me some shut eye! 

i just need to say that china came at the perfect time in my life. 

i learned things here and i NEEDED to learn. 

i grew into someone who is stronger than the first day she arrived here.

i have a new perspective on life that i've never been able to capture until now.

it is good to be where i am, and i am so blessed to have had this opportunity.

(taken today at the chinese pagoda in our city)